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The Poison of Rejection

Your positive results are never as good as you think they are, and your negative failures are never as bad as you think they are. Unfortunately your ego (false self) will have you feeling bad about both scenarios.

The observation of just looking at your failures without judgment will trump massive action to overcome them from a perspective of peace of mind. However, there're plenty of individuals who with sheer will and determination have overcome their failures with success and yet internally still feel like failures. So how you deal with adversity depends on whether you want to just accomplish your goals , or whether you want to accomplish your goals, but not at the cost of not having peace of mind, or still feeling like a failure internally.

Another poison of rejection and adversity is when we become hardened and closed. Most sales people do a good job of not outwardly displaying their negative emotions, but it does become deeply ingrained in their subconscious. To lighten their heavy load they project the resentment of rejection in very subtle ways that can be easily picked up by their customers. This subtle form of attack makes them feel guilty. "The more guilty they feel the more they expect and anticipate being rejected and the more fearful and hardened they become. It's a vicious cycle," says Paul Ferrini.

A big negative consequence of rejection that is often overlooked in sales is it causes us to stop trusting our customers. The more you trust yourself and others the more you will be drawn to trustworthy customers. Be careful not to go overboard to protect yourself from rejection by adopting a "defensive posture," instead of a receptive posture.

Your act of accepting your customer as an authority figure constitutes you extending them permission to control, reject and take advantage of you. "We feel out of control when we believe others are controlling and creating our experiences for ourselves," says Paul Ferrini.

Your attitude should always be; I'd like to earn your business if it's good for both parties, but if it isn't in the cards so be it. Anything else sets up an inner state of scarcity and dependency. So balance is always the answer. When you need the business to satisfy some inner urge or just save your job then there's a great imbalance and your relationship with your customer goes through a negative shift.

"Expect the worst; great sales people are pessimist when it comes to what happens on a sales call and happy realists when they are awarded a deal," says Tom Frost. Nothing disheartens sales people more than when they get "yes to death" and it ends up being a "no," or when they tortuously get long drawn out "nos" that were a "no" from the onset. Learning to manage one's expectations and flow of information helps one better control the sales process and one's emotions.

We're as much of a "pain in the butt" when we're the innocent recipients of rejection as when we are the rejector. Both have their dark sides. When you're on the receiving end of rejection and you take it personally it can be very self-serving because you can now be self-righteous. For many that is sheer nirvana. And once you feel rejected someone else will invariably be the recipient of your anger at some point. The rejectee (sales person) always needs a rejector (customer) and vise versa. There's an element of a cozy, codependent relationship. Deep!

Rejection is a state of mind. You can only reject yourself. Having no emotional investment in outcomes is the most effective and healthiest way to protect one's self-esteem and passion in sales.

Richard Farrell is President of Tangent Knowledge Systems, a national sales development and training firm based in Chicago. He is the author of the upcoming book Selling has Nothing to do with Selling. He trains and speaks around the world and has authored many articles on his unique non-selling sales posture.

Phone: 773-404-7915
EMail: rfarrell@tangentknowledge.com
Web: http://www.tangentknowledge.com