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Can Positive Thinking Ever Be Negative?

If a sales person really wants to change the way customers see and respond to them all they need to do is change the way they see and perceive themselves. Taking responsibility for how others feel and react can be just as divisive as not taking responsibility for how you feel and react to others.

All occurrences of rejection in sales happen with 100% of the explicit permission and invitation of the recipient (sales person). If a customer needlessly gets angry or reacts in a very unprofessional manner, do not go on a counterattack or flex your muscles. Making someone else responsible for what you are thinking and feeling is always a zero sum game.

No amount of success in sales will by itself alter your lack of self-esteem. Your need for approval and validation puts unnatural demands on your customer, puts them on guard and on the defensive.

The degree that you need the sale is the degree that you put your self-esteem at risk, and the degree that you will be perceived as exerting manipulation, or be subjected to it.

The twin evil forces in sales are; believing you can control things and thinking you are powerless to do anything about it. All extremes lead to their opposite. Ironically, the absence of the twin evil forces will cause a huge void in most sales people. That is why they do not change. Sales people get validation from these two divisive behaviors. Otherwise, they would not participate in them.

Most sales people build their entire self-concept and self-worth on the foundation of knowing and controlling. The more they know and understand the greater amount of control they feel, and the easier it is to put their hands around the complexities of their life.

However, what if one took the idea of building their foundation around the idea of not knowing; not having to personally sweat all the details as to why one customers "dissed" you, another did not return your emails after a big proposal, etc. Imagine all the tension, stress and pressure that would diminish.

When you take on a posture of not knowing, you do not have to be constantly feeling that you are being treated poorly, being rejected when things happen that you do not really understand why they happened, or cannot control. There would be no need to control or feel powerless to do anything.

Life can be simple and less confusing when the only thing we need to know is we do not need to know. Or, said another way, we do not have to personally anguish over the slights we get because we do not take it personally, and we do not feel a need to control information and outcomes so much. Some are interested, some are not, next!

Sales people who are consistently experiencing never ending frustration do so because they never fully experience frustration in its totality. What they generally experience is their denial and resistance to it: that is why they never really get rid of it. As soon as you give yourself permission to feel discouraged and frustrated you begin the process of not being frustrated anymore.

We cannot truly solve our own problems and sales frustrations until we find the root causes within. Otherwise, we simply are replacing one problem with another. "We can't make our insecurities go away. Any attempt to do so just gives that insecurity subconscious power over us," says Paul Ferrini.

Acknowledging your negativity is a positive act that is moving towards hope. This is emotional authenticity. You cannot sustainably force change by forcing yourself to think positively. Most forced positive thinking is just a fake repression, giving you just momentarily relief. Keep in mind the operative word is "forced."

"Acknowledging, recognizing and admitting to negative thoughts, without attaching to them goes a long way to changing them," says Paul Ferrini. Every lesson turned away or repressed comes again in another disguise. The cycle continues until you fully come to terms with your negativity. And that comes through awareness, not through the physical act of trying to get rid of it. Getting rid of it just perpetuates it so often and gives you the false sense that you got rid of it. You can temporarily get rid of it through suppression, yet it is still brewing below the subconscious causing a lot of dysfunction.

Richard Farrell is President of Tangent Knowledge Systems, a national sales development and training firm based in Chicago. He is the author of the upcoming book Selling has Nothing to do with Selling. He trains and speaks around the world and has authored many articles on his unique non-selling sales posture.

Phone: 773-404-7915
EMail: rfarrell@tangentknowledge.com
Web: http://www.tangentknowledge.com