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Rejection Prevention

Customers can be unreasonable, demanding, testy and inconsiderate in relationship primarily to their own stress, their own emotional demands and their own personal shortcomings. Not because of us personally. Worst case in these aforementioned scenarios you were simply a trigger. It is never personal until we make the decision to make it personal.

When you do not take personal responsibility for your own thoughts, you simply reinforce and take on those negative behaviors and thoughts as your own. Never in the history of sales has a customer treated a sales person worse than they treated themselves.

We all have an intrinsic need to prove ourselves to others; our boss, our spouse, our enemies, our parents, our ex girlfriend/boyfriend, people from our past who did not believe in us. The reality is the only person who you need to prove anything to is yourself. Seeking validation from your customer only prevents you from seeing it in yourself.

No matter how many sales you make and quotas you bust, your ego and your need for validation will never be satisfied fully, because it is the nature of the ego to never take responsibility for its successes or its failures. That is why the ego continues to flourish, because it has so much impact and it bites you whether you are coming or going.

The need for validation is intrinsically tied to how you manage and respond to rejection, and how you take personal responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Rejection and frustration in sales is a crash course in learning to take personal responsibility for yourself.

You cannot have your cake and eat it also. If you are going to make the courageous choice to not take negative events and rejection personally, then you must also choose to not take positive events personally. That would be challenging for most mainstream sales people's ego. To achieve equilibrium and balance, you cannot have one without the other.

Rejection is neither good or bad. But, when sales people respond, deny, defend (attack) and project it, they institutionalize it and strengthen it. When sales people deny and project rejection, everything they do is subconsciously influenced by it. In the world of selling, problems like rejection cannot be dealt from the level of the problem. Attempting to operate without fear or rejection is the most fearful proposition a sales person could adopt.

Taking personal responsibility for how we respond to everything that happens to us, especially things that are beyond our control, empowers us and strengthens our confidence and self-image.

It is just as important to take personal responsibility for your actions as it is to take personal responsibility for your thoughts. The act of taking responsibility for your own rejection and frustration will do more to accelerate growth and personal development than any positive thinking and affirmations could ever do. If you want a different experience or reaction from a negative situation, choose to take 100% responsibility for your own thoughts.

Being positive is not about affirmations or false cheer. Rather, it is about finding the opportunities around you that can be positive or have a silver lining. A positive mental attitude is more about being realistic and practical, than it is about being sunny and enthusiastic. It is about being balanced, authentic and real.

If one is discouraged, frustrated or feeling rejected, the good news is you are 100% responsible for determining how long it will last, and what personal impact it will have on you. Do not deny your frustrating circumstances, or your personal sales failures and rejections. Repression just temporarily delays the rejection and wacks you later with a double whammy.

If you feel rejected, be rejected until you do not need to anymore. Whenever you deny rejection, do not acknowledge it, or do not come to terms with it, you attract it further. The Dalai Lama is famous for commenting on how he feels the full range of human emotions (fear, anger, insecurity, despair, frustration) just like everyone else, except he can do them in a millisecond because of his ability to fully experience those emotions without making them personal.

A healthy and productive attitude to defuse frustration and rejection is to forgive yourself for taking offense. Or better yet, you could do what Man Ray the famous artist did when attacked for his unusual works by critics, "I don't blame them. If I were them I'd do the same thing."

Because sales people do not seek balance in their sales approach, they put themselves in a constant manic state where they swing from artificially pumping themselves up after successes, and beating themselves into the ground after failures. It can be exhausting, and certainly not productive. Sales people who do not learn to have a balanced detachment to results, pro or con, risk being either naïvely living in a fool's paradise, or becoming a grim, crusty cynic. Both are a form of hell no matter what your preference.

Richard Farrell is President of Tangent Knowledge Systems, a national sales development and training firm based in Chicago. He is the author of the upcoming book Selling has Nothing to do with Selling. He trains and speaks around the world and has authored many articles on his unique non-selling sales posture.

Phone: 773-404-7915
EMail: rfarrell@tangentknowledge.com
Web: http://www.tangentknowledge.com