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Why Sales People Emotionally Check Out

Your ego and your false pride wants you to win 100% of the time in your sales engagements. By insisting on 100% when your present ability and reality is a lot less sets you up to fail. When we fail like this we often bounce back into the clutches of false ego even deeper. Increasing our sales ratios to 100% dooms us. Increasing by 100% sustains us because it is more in line with reality.

What will definitely not sustain us in the long-term is a high need for customers to accept us and validate us personally. Sales people who have this high need for validation fall into the dangerous trap of subconsciously blaming customers when their unrealistic goals go unfulfilled.

Selling takes heart to succeed. When sales people are solely focused on winning, getting and achieving approval, they do not have the resources or energy to give. When you are constantly counting, assessing, keeping score and measuring, you just go deeply into your head and your heart shuts down. That is why it is so important to preserve your dignity, your self-concept and keep your need for validation in check. When your heart shuts down in sales you are prone to check out. Seeking validation from customers prevents you from seeing it inside yourself.

The more sales people seek validation from their customers, the less they are giving to themselves. That is why approval seeking is such a slippery slope. The only validation that matters is your own. Sales people beat themselves up, get down on themselves and question their abilities because it is easier and more convenient than to approve themselves.

Generally speaking, the more comfortable you are with yourself and the more you like yourself, the less you will rely on the approval of others, and the less problems you will have getting customers to initially feel comfortable with you.

The problem with having a high need for validation and for the customer to like us, is customers will feel an uneasy sense of obligation. Because they do not want to feel obligated, customers will often take measures to do everything to avoid that sales person, regardless of their good intentions.

In sales it is not essential that everyone likes you. It is always a bonus when they do, but if they do not it is okay. As Eleanor Roosevelt said and I paraphrase loosely, your self-worth and approval must be established independently of the good thoughts, feelings and opinions of others. Then and only then is your self-worth real and authentic. Once this happens your self-esteem can be a reservoir of emotional strength that can be drawn upon in the future in times of emotional need.

Many sales people have a honorable desire to help others, but they too frequently do not help themselves. This results often in burnout, frustration and loss of confidence. If you are not helped by what you do, how can you sustainably expect to help your customers. Needy and clingy sales people can never be truly helpful or trusted because they come into a sales engagement with "needing to get something." So the key is balance.

Every time you try to make someone more important, or of greater value than yourself, you give them the power and leverage to diminish and devalue you as an individual. A very healthy and balanced posture to have that will make your life less stressful in sales is the notion that your customer's opinion and their actions towards you is none of "your business."

If you feel that a customer is not dealing with you in a professional manner, that their behavior is totally inappropriate, beware that it says volumes about them and their state of mind and has very little to do with you personally. So do not take it personally. Their action and behavior reflects more of a lack of self-esteem for them, so do not let it ricochet to impact your self-esteem.

Richard Farrell is President of Tangent Knowledge Systems, a national sales development and training firm based in Chicago. He is the author of the upcoming book Selling has Nothing to do with Selling. He trains and speaks around the world and has authored many articles on his unique non-selling sales posture.

Phone: 773-404-7915
EMail: rfarrell@tangentknowledge.com
Web: https://tangentknowledge.com